When we pay attention to negative behavior, we inadvertently reinforce that behavior. I invite you to give limited attention to your child’s next negative behavior and see what happens!
For example, your toddler wants a cookie, but it’s almost dinner time. You say no, and they throw themselves on the floor and start crying (see my blog about “Alternatives to No”, to learn strategies that prevent that tantrum in the first place).
The first thing to keep in mind is, do not talk to your child while they are crying/screaming, if you do, you will reinforce that behavior as a means of communication.
Instead, either go about your business and wait for your child to come around or if you think they’re really distressed, you can rub their back, put on some music or just sit near them. Do not pick your child up.
As soon as your child stops crying, that’s the time to give them attention. They may start crying again, in which case, start the process again.
This will do two things; there will be a decrease in crying and your child will start to learn a valuable skill…self regulation.
By giving limited attention to negative behavior you not only decrease the negative behavior, you promote self-regulation.
Also, it goes both ways, pay more attention to the positive behavior and that will increase!
Book a free consultation to discuss how we can help you and your family!
During our last virtual session with Carol my 2 yr old had a meltdown. She refused to clean up her duplo blocks. Upon Carol’s instructions we remained calm didn’t speak to my toddler, yet gave her touch reassurance, until she stopped crying. When she finally sat up she started cleaning up without any fuss. I watched a magic happen right before my eyes.